I love any excuse to have a giveaway.
I have passed the 100th post so I will be giving away a very chic set of flannel fat quarters to one lucky winner.
Just leave a comment telling me your funniest joke. I will have my board of select judges (my children) pick a winner Wednesday 8th December 2010.
It is open to all. One entry per person. Remember to leave a way for me to contact you. No anonymous comedians please.
If you would like to follow my blog please join up. When I reach the 200th Follower I will have another giveaway.
Why didn't the lobster share?
(Because he was shellfish.)
Yay!! Congratulations on your 100th post. Let's see if we both reach the 200th post around the same time too.
Okay, if your kids are similar ages to mine (3 and 4) they'll think this is hilarious. My DS came home from preschool telling it.
Why can't an elephant ride a bike?
(Because he has no thumb to ring the bell)
This is my favorite one!
A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. The two were always getting into trouble and their parents could be assured that if any mischief occurred in their town, their two young sons were involved.
The parents were at their wits end not knowing what to do about their sons' behavior. Then the mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children in the past, so she asked her husband if he thought they should send the boys to speak with the clergyman.
The husband said, "We might as well. We need to do something before I really lose my temper!"
The clergyman agreed to speak with the boys. He asked to see them individually.
The 8-year-old went to meet him first. The clergyman sat the boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"
The boy made no response, so the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer, so the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face, "WHERE IS GOD? With that, the boy bolted from the room and ran directly home, slamming his door and hiding himself in his closet.
His older brother followed him into the closet saying, "What happened?"
The younger brother replied, "We are in B — I — G trouble this time……. God is missing…. and they think….. we did it!"
What has a bottom at the top?
Your legs.
tshaw6580@yahoo.com
What do you call cheese that is not yours?
Na-cho cheese!
What kind of phone does a bear have???
(A Black Bearie(!! he he get it black bear they eat bearies ha ha knee slapping good!)
One morning Boudreau went out and saw Thibidoeux standing in the middle of the corn field all dressed up in his best suit.
"Hey, Thibidoeux! What you doin'?"
"I be waitin' for them Nobel Peace people."
"Why?"
"Well, yesdaday, I saw on da TV that the President got an Nobel Peace award and money for being out standing in his field. So I'm a waitin!"
Congrat to your 100 post.
My sister's 5 year old kid, Deborah learnt recently that ladies have their husbands name at the end of their names. She addressed me as Jennifer Joshua. I was asking other names from our family and she told it right joining it with their husband's names. I then asked about her name. She thought for a while and replied "Deborah Uncle" and blushed a lot. Me and my sister had a hearty laugh.
Forgot to give my id for the previous joke. benita.sam@gmail.com
Congrats on your 100th post! Here is my joke:
What do you call a film about mallards?
A duckumentary!
Why was the lettuce embarrassed?
He saw the salad dressing!
thanks, i just popped over from Talk About Fabric and what a great way to start my day–with a joke!
A man feared his wife was not hearing as well as she used to, and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem.
The doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.
"Here's what you do," said the doctor. "Stand about 40 feet away from her and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you.
If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a
response."
That evening, the wife was in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He said to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away. Let's see what happens."
In a normal tone he asked, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
………… No response.
So the husband moved closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife, and repeated, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
……..Still no response.
Next he moved into the dining room where he was about 20 feet from his
wife, and asked, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
…….Again, no response.
So, he walked up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey,
what's for dinner?"
…Again, there was no response.
So he walked right up behind her. "Honey, what's for dinner?" …………………………..
"Earl, for the 5th time, CHICKEN!"
What happens when you illegally park your frog?
It gets "toad" away!
Congrats on your 100th post!
How can you drop an egg six feet without breaking it?
By dropping it seven feet – it won't break for the first six!
Congrats on your 100th post and what BEAUTIFUL fabric!!!!!! I absolutely adore it!
Here is my joke:
Q: What do you get if you cross a Cocker Spaniel, a Poodle and a rooster?
A: A Cockerpoodledoo!
Congrats on 100 posts!
Here's my Thanksgiving joke…
What happened when the turkey got in a fight?
He got the STUFFING knocked out of him! 🙂
Thanks for the chance to win these lovelies!
Sandy A
Congrats! =) 100 is a GREAT number!
Onto the funny…
How do you make a tissue dance?
Blow a little boogie in it!
xoxo
Congrats to you!!
I would love to win these for my new quilt ministry that I have started.
Here's a little joke that always makes the kiddo's giggle:
Q. How do you make a tissue dance?
A. Put a little boogey in it!
What is the difference between chopped beef and pea soup
Everyone can chop beef but everyone can't pee soup!
I hope you live in the right part of the US for this joke to make sense:
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To prove to the possum that it could be done!
You go into the bathroom American, you come out of the bathroom American, What are you in the bathroom?
European! LOL! This joke is in a very funny book of spooky(not!) folktales called Velcome! by Kevin O'Malley I read every year to my second grade students. They love it!
First I want to say that your flannels are lovely and would be great to win because I rarely buy such luscious pastels.
Here's an old joke my daughter used to tell us:
What did the rug say to the floor?
"I've got you covered!"
Congratulations on your blog; I receive the feed through Google Reader.
I am terrible at remembering jokes.
"Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall?"
(To see what was on the other side)…I know terrible, no offence ment, I am blonde myself LOL!
Ok, here ya go…
How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but it has to want to change.
Hope you like my joke.
A man is talking to the family doctor. "Doc, I think my wife's going deaf."
The doctor answers, "Well, here's something you can try on her to test her hearing. Stand some distance away from her and ask her a question. If she doesn't answer, move a little closer and ask again. Keep repeating this until she answers. Then you'll be able to tell just how hard of hearing she really is."
The man goes home and tries it out. He walks in the door and says, "Honey, what's for dinner?" He doesn't hear an answer, so he moves closer to her. "Honey, what's for dinner?" Still no answer. He repeats this several times, until he's standing just a few feet away from her.
Finally, she answers, "For the eleventh time, I said we're having MEATLOAF!"
Congrats on you 100th Post.
cocker@aanet.com.au
Thanks Debbie.
Hi, I'm putting in another joke because the last one was simelar to another comment. Hope you like this one. It is clean.
These three men won a contest. The prize was a wish from the wizard. The three men all wanted toilets.
The first man wanted a wooden toilet. So he got his wish. The second man wanted a metal toilet. So he got his wish. The third man wanted a talking toilet. So he got his wish.
The next day they all wanted to return their toilets. The first one said "My toilet rotted through." So the wizard took his toilet back.
The second one said" My toilet rusted," So the wizard took his toilet back.
The third man said "Every time I try to sit on it to use it it starts to sing "I see your hinny, all white and shiny, if you don't hide it I'm gonna bite it.
Thanks for a great giveaway.
Debbie.
cocker@aanet.com.au
Congratulations on your 100th post.
What does a wall say to another wall?
( Let's meet at a corner)
What did the mayo say to the salad?
Close the door, I'm dressing.
Congratulations on 100 posts.
An obese quilter is rushed into the ER by ambulance. the paramedic says, "quick, Doc, patch/stitch her up. She's been cut into fat quarters!"
Here are some christmas kid jokes:
Q. What do you get if cross a snowman and a shark?
A. Frost bite!
Q. How is the Christmas alphabet different from the regular alphabet?
A. It has no "L". (Noel)
Q. Does Santa like to garden?
A. Of course! He gets to Hoe, Hoe, Hoe!
What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?
'Stinkerbell'!! teehee…..
Congrats on the 100th post.
Hi Jane, I heard this funny one the other day:
Why does Tigger smell?
Because he's always playing with Pooh!
Congrats on your fab blog.
Doris..
Congratulations on 100 posts!
Why did the man with a pony tail go to see his doctor ?
He was a little hoarse !
This is a two kids joke.
First kid: "Say Q after everything I say. One…
2nd kid: One Q
Two….Q
Three…Q
Four…QT
Five…Q
Six….Q
Seven…Q
Eight…Q
Nine…Q
Ten…Q
First kid: You're welcome!
Ten Q for this lovely give away.
Congratulations on your 100th post!
Please forgive me for this joke, but it is quite classic (at least in my family!)
What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?
Little kids won't eat broccoli!
The old man told his wife of 60 years "I'm proud of you." She yelled back, "Speak up, I can't hear you." He yelled, "I'm so very proud of you!" She yelled back, "I'm sick and tired of you too!" Hearing is one of the first things to go.
Congratulations on the 100th post despite my sad joke telling.
The flannels are awesome. alternate email mlwright29 (at) hotmail (dot) com
Congrats on the big 100! This is an awesome giveaway and I hope I win. Here it goes!
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 8 9!
Thanks for the chance!
Why didn't the skeleton go to the party??
Because he had no body to go with!!
Gill
Funniest joke – which I told to the utter embarassment of my parents on the Jungle Cruise at Disney as a child: what is green and flies over Germany? Snotsies!
this is my hubby's "go to" joke:
Why don't canibals eat clowns?……………
They taste funny.
Congratulations on your 100th post.
Those fabrics are so pretty.
A teacher decided to try out a new psychology on her class. She said, " I want anyone who thinks they are stupid, to stand up!'
Nobody stood up, but after a few minutes, little Larry stood up. The teacher said " Larry do you think you are stupid???" he said " No, Miss, but I felt sorry for you standing there all by yourself!!!!!
sandangels1945@hotmail.com
Congrats on your 100th post!! That is awesome!!
Here is my lame joke that I have remembered since first grade.
How does Noah fish??
Very carefully, he only has 2 worms 🙂
congrats on 100 heres to 1000 more!!!!!
what did the teddy bear say when he was offered dessert? …….No thanks im stuffed!!!! lol
Two snowmen are standing in a field. One says to the other
"Funny, I smell carrots too".
Whoo Hooo!! 100!! That's awesome.
A joke from my four year old…
Q: What happened when the cat ate a ball of yarn?
A: It had mittens!
One day a little piggy walks into a bar and orders a huge club soda. He drinks it down and asks the barkeep where the bathroom is. The barkeep responds "down the hall and to the right". A second little piggy comes in and orders a huge club soda. He drinks it down and asks the barkeep where the bathroom is. The barkeep responds "down the hall and to the right". A third little piggy comes in an orders a huge club soda. As he is drinking it down the barkeep says. "Let me guess you next want to know where the bathroom is" The piggy responds "nah, I'll just go wee-wee all the way home"
giveawaymommy at yahoo dot com
Wonderful fabrics just love flannels. Congrats on the 100 mile stone looks like it wont be long till the 200the.
Congrats on your 100th post! I'm not great at jokes, but here's a seasonal one
Why are Christmas trees such bad knitters?
They are always dropping their needles.
gevin13{at}gmail{dot}com
Hope this isn't too bawdy?
The wife asks her husband 'how can I make my breasts bigger?'
Husband replies that she should rub toilet paper between her breasts.
'Wow,do you really think that will work' asks wife.
husband replies 'well it has worked with your backside!'
congratulations on your 100th post!
Lovely fabri
Di
I love the fabrics
Those would make some pretty little receiving blankets.
What do you call a cow that can't make milk?
A milk Dud